To Have It All Read online

  “No,” Matt intervened. “Waverly has just lost her mind.”

  “Matt,” I said calmly, remembering that although we disagreed about this, his concern only came from his love for Pim. “You are overreacting.”

  “Did he sign the papers?” Again, he didn’t look at me.

  I waited a moment, rinsing the pot in my hands before answering. “No.” I hadn’t actually asked again. I was worried sick all day about Pim and ditched my second class because I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her with Max any longer, only to show up and find that it all went well and he had another woman there doting on my baby girl. A woman that was pregnant to boot. I guess I believed the baby wasn’t his, but only because he never denied Pim was his—he just refused to be a part of her life.

  “So your plan didn’t work?” I could hear the I told you so in his voice.

  Turning to him, I wiped my hands on a dishtowel. “No, but it will.”

  A furrow formed between his brows and his mouth quirked up on one side—the famous pissed off look. “It will?” he asked, his tone serious.

  “I’m taking her back tomorrow,” I answered, my decision to do this solid, but my voice definitely lacked the conviction I needed it to have at this moment. Standing, he lifted Pim from her high chair and kissed her face, not at all bothered by the carrots smeared all over her. Pim giggled as he kissed her, even though she was wincing a little from Matt’s facial scruff.

  “I’m going to go give her a bath,” he stated curtly. He was pissed and was using Pim as a reason to leave the room.

  “Matt,” Alice tried to intervene, to maybe step in as a mediator between us.

  “Not now, Alice,” he warned. It wasn’t rude the way he said it, it was more of a give me some space tone. “Right now, it’s bath time.”

  “You sure?” I asked, somewhat surprised. “I know you’ve had a long day.”

  “I’m sure. We leave tomorrow for our trip, and I won’t get to see her for two weeks,” he mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen. I stared at the doorway after he left, an uneasy feeling settling over me. I hated to upset Matt. He was my rock. What unsettled me most, though, was the idea he might be right. What if this blew up in my face?

  “Wanna clue me in?” Alice asked as she pulled out a chair and sat at the table. She’d been with Matt for five years and knew him as well as me, and she’d become more like a sister to me than just my brother’s girlfriend.

  “Max wouldn’t sign the papers, so I decided to make him,” I explained simply as if that were explanation enough. I popped Pim’s tray off her highchair and took it back to the sink to wash.

  “And how exactly do you plan to make him?” Alice queried.

  “I showed up at his apartment and left Pim with him.”

  “Waverly!” she gasped as if I were mad.

  “Please don’t start,” I begged. “I get it. I do, but extreme times call for extreme measures.”

  Going to the fridge, she grabbed a beer and returned to her seat. “Well . . . how did it go?”

  This was hard to admit, but I had no choice. “Not exactly how I’d planned, but this will work. It will,” I defended.

  “Are you prepared for the consequences if it doesn’t?” It was a fair question, even though I hated her for asking it. Truth was, I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t thought much about it beforehand because I was so sure Max would fold day one. Only he hadn’t.

  “Yes,” I fibbed.

  “Are you sure putting Pim in this situation is best for her?”

  “Max is a gigantic asshole, but he would never hurt her,” I defended with annoyance. I got it, they thought it was bad for Pim, but did they believe I would ever put her in harm’s way? Max would never hurt her . . . not physically anyway. This I believed. As far as him being a selfish assface, Pim was young enough that she wouldn’t remember any of it.

  Alice raised her hands in surrender. “Listen,” she began as she pulled her clip out and let her long black hair billow down. “You are one of the best mothers I know. I know you’d never put her in danger, but Waverly,” she sighed. “It’s not just her I’m worried about. It’s taken you years to get over what Max did to you, and you’ve been doing great. I just can’t help feeling like you’re putting yourself back in the lion’s den and taking Pim with you.”

  Setting the tray I had just rinsed off on the counter to dry, I huffed. “Either I make Max sign the papers giving me Pimberly, or he stonewalls me for life. I have to feel like I have some control in this. I know all the sayings, don’t poke the bear or don’t wake a sleeping dog. I get it. You guys are worried I’ll provoke him to do something far worse than just being a deadbeat with rights to my daughter, but Alice,” I inhaled deeply, “It’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s not,” she agreed. “But life isn’t always fair, Waverly.”

  When I didn’t respond, she added, “Please, just be careful. I’ll talk to Matt.” Standing, she squeezed my shoulder then added, “But I’m drinking that bottle of Pinot in the fridge, and you owe me another.”

  “Why is that?” I snorted.

  “Because getting him to calm the hell down enough to come to reason will involve some oral persuasion on my part.”

  I shuddered. “Oh . . . that’s . . . yeah,” I winced. “I didn’t need to know that.”

  “You owe me,” she reiterated. “And just know, I’m always here for you.”

  “Thank you, Alice.” I loved her. Matt needed to marry this chick asap.

  “Anytime.” She wandered over to the fridge, putting the bottled beer back on the shelf, and plucked the bottle of Pinot out, grabbing the wine tool from the drawer and a glass from the cabinet on her way to calm my brother. Once she was out of the kitchen, I shut the sink off before drying my hands.

  Tossing the dishtowel on the counter, I decided not to think about it anymore. The decision was made. It was only a matter of time before Max would crack under the pressure of being a father, I just needed to be patient. When Max did sign the papers waiving his rights to Pim, Matt would be ecstatic. I just needed to give it some more time.

  The next morning when I arrived in Max’s lobby, a short man with gray hair greeted me.

  “May I help you, miss?” he asked kindly.

  “I think I’ve got it covered,” I informed him. Pim cooed at him and waved with her tiny hand. The doorman smiled and waved back.

  “Isn’t she precious,” he said smiling down at her. Then looking to me, he asked, “May I ask who you’ll be visiting today?”

  “Max Porter.”

  He looked at me like I was crazy. “Is Mr. Porter expecting you?”

  “Yes,” I informed him a little annoyed with the question. Why was he acting like Max lived in Trump Tower or something and needed his guests fielded?

  “Very well.” He tipped his hat. “Have a nice visit.”

  I’d arrived at Max’s building twenty minutes early and chuckled to myself as Pim and I rode the elevator up.

  “He’s going to be so mad we woke him up two days in a row, isn’t he?” I cooed to Pim in a silly voice. She giggled at me even though she had no idea what I was talking about. When we reached his door, I decided to go with the ring the doorbell 1000 times in thirty seconds bit that I’d used the day before. That would really have him annoyed. Maybe so much so he’d even sign the papers.

  I’d only made it to three rings when his door whipped open causing me to jump. He smirked at me, raising one brow. The look was playful, almost amused—definitely not what I had expected.

  “Good morning, ladies. I’ve been expecting you.” Moving aside, he opened the door further and swung a hand out, inviting us in. He was dressed casually in jeans and a white T-shirt. The clothes looked new, but not like anything he’d normally wear. He looked . . . good, but not in the way I remembered him when I thought I was in love with him. Back then, Max seemed so debonair and classy. Now, he appeared more rugged and down to earth. And as much as I hated myself for even noticing, he
looked better than ever.

  Forcing myself to ignore his looks, I rolled my eyes, frustrated that he seemed so chipper as I tugged the wagon filled with Pim’s stuff inside.

  “I guess the overly-friendly doorman gave you the heads up we were here,” I wagered.

  “As a matter-of-fact, he didn’t. I got up like a big boy all on my own.”

  Upon entering the living room, I found the coffee table and end tables were gone. “Don’t like kids touching all that clean glass, huh?” I chided as I set Pim down on her feet.

  “Actually,” he began as he bent down and waved at Pim, “I put it in the back room so she wouldn’t fall or trip and bust her head on it. Kid nearly gave me a heart attack yesterday.”

  I wanted to growl in frustration. What the hell was going on with him? He did something completely unselfish and dare I say . . . father-like? I opened my mouth to ask him just that, but was stopped by Pim going, “Vroom, vroom.”

  I raised my brows as I smiled. “You making car sounds, baby?” I chuckled, forgetting Max and how I loathed him for a moment.

  When she made the sounds again, Max laughed out loud, a deep bellowing that made my insides knot. I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard from him laugh like that before. “You wanna watch the bikes, sweetheart?”

  My heart sunk with his words. He called Pim sweetheart. Did that mean he was getting attached? My stomach flipped as I stared at him in horror. Pulling out his cell phone, he touched the screen a few times and handed the phone to Pim just as a loud engine revved. She immediately plopped to her bottom, the padding of her diaper cushioning her fall, and stared at the screen. Max watched her as he stood, a look of adoration on his face. When he lifted his gaze to meet mine, his wide grin immediately fell, and he shook his head as if waking himself from some dream.

  “Bike races,” he explained dismissively. “She liked watching them yesterday.”

  “Since when do you watch bike races?” I asked as I crossed my arms, disbelieving what I was hearing and seeing.

  He shrugged and inhaled deeply. “Just a . . . hobby of mine now, I guess.”

  I stared at him, and he looked at anything but me. The room was quiet but for the sounds of the bikes on his phone revving and Pim going, “Vroom, vroom.” There was a part of me that wanted to snatch her up and haul ass out of there, but then I remembered something—Max loved games. He loved getting under my skin, and this was probably just another example of him trying to torture me. He must’ve known my end game; overwhelm him into submission and make him sign the papers. From what I could see, he had embraced the challenge and was taking me head on which sent me reeling. Maybe my plan wouldn’t work, and Matt was right. Max was always good at making me second guess myself. It didn’t help that he, no matter the situation, had this self-confidence that never seemed to waiver. That alone was intimidating. I considered myself a confident woman, but I was nowhere near his level. I, like most normal people, always had doubts and asked myself what if. Max seemed like no matter the situation or potential road bumps, everything would work exactly the way he wanted it to just because he willed it so. On one hand, I hated him for that because it’s not easy to fight someone that is so sure of themselves. It’s intimidating. On the other hand, I envied it; I wished I could be like that sometimes, too.

  I bit my lower lip as I stared at Pim, an internal struggle waging war inside of me. She looked . . . happy. Her day with Max had gone well the day before. Should I leave her again? Then I remembered the lady that was there the day before. What was her name? Helen? Would she be coming over again? I hated the idea of another woman I didn’t know with my daughter, but then I thought maybe Pim would be better cared for if she were here.

  Shooting my eyes to Max, I said, “Will Hel . . .” My tongue went limp, and my sentence ended abruptly when I met Max’s hard gaze. He didn’t look angry . . . no, it was something else. He looked . . .

  No.

  I wouldn’t let myself think it.

  Was he checking me out? I remembered what Max looked like when he was turned on and this look . . . it wasn’t it. This look felt darker . . . this look felt mysterious, like something I couldn’t explain.

  Jerking my gaze from his, I bent and kissed Pim. I had to get out of there. I could not get caught up in Max’s sultry, sexy stare. The fact I even found it remotely sexy when I knew the person Max was meant I was losing it.

  “I have to go,” I murmured. “She’s had breakfast. There’s a notebook in the diaper bag for you to write down when she eats, naps, and poops.”

  Lowering his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, that’s good,” he grumbled. “What time will you be back?”

  “Three. Call me if you need anything.” Kissing Pim one last time, I gave myself a little pep talk. It’ll be okay, Waverly. Pim will be okay.

  Max followed me to the door and stood in the doorway as I stepped out of his apartment. Crossing his arms, he smirked, “I’ll take good care of her, Waverly.”

  Glaring at him, I shot back with, “If you even remotely care about her at all, Max, you’ll sign the papers.” I didn’t look back as I marched to the elevator, my blood pumping hot as I stabbed at the call button. My anger had many facets, not just my irritation that Max hadn’t signed the papers. No, it was much more complex than that. I hated him, and it made me angry that I hated him. I wanted to feel indifferent, no matter how evil I thought he was. When I’d concocted this crazy plan to overwhelm him into submission by making him be a parent, I hadn’t realized the old pain it would drum up; the bad memories it would evoke. I thought I’d gotten past it all, but I hadn’t, not in the least.

  Max rejecting her was expected. Max doing absolutely anything to not have to see Pim was expected. Him taking her, seemingly without any objection, was not expected. What was happening? I’d begged him, several times, to see her, to love her, and every time he rejected my pleas. Max may have loved to torture me, but even I knew he wouldn’t go this far to do it. So what was it? Could it be that he wanted to be a part of Pimberly’s life? Had he changed his mind? Or was this like a trial run; was he testing his limits? The realization that this situation may not work out positive as far as I was concerned weighed on me now. Max could end up wanting Pimberly as a part of his life, and although in the past, it was something I had wanted—for her to know her father—I’d evolved since then, and I didn’t want that anymore. The fact was, even if he had turned over a new leaf, he didn’t deserve her. Not after everything he’d done.

  As the elevator doors opened, a tear trickled down my cheek as I rolled into one of the most painful memories of my life.

  Max had worked at Phelps and Winsor for a little over a year. In fact, the day after he’d received the call from Mr. Winsor, himself, offering him the position was the day he’d swept me away to Vegas, and we were married by an Elvis impersonator. It was a job he’d desperately wanted, and he’d considered me his good luck charm when he got it—hence the fast wedding.

  The reception area where I sat and waited had shiny marble floors with large windows that revealed the most breathtaking view of the city, but the atmosphere was uncomfortable for me. Not because it lacked beauty; quite the contrary. The office was pristine, the view was epic, and the men and women bustling about were all gorgeous with impeccable ensembles and flawless hair. No, I felt out of place because amidst all that beauty was me—four days postpartum. My belly was jiggly, my hair unwashed and stringy, and I was still wearing maternity clothes because nothing else fit. I was a thorn among the roses.

  I’d sat and waited for over an hour while Max was in a meeting. His secretary had told him I was here to see him and politely asked me to have a seat, informing me he’d be with me shortly. Finally, his office door opened, and he led a tall blonde dressed in heels and a pencil skirt out as they both chuckled flirtatiously with each other. He knew I was waiting to see him, yet he did it anyway. As I watched him smirk at the blonde as she adjusted his tie, I thought my heart literally couldn’
t take any more hurt—but I was wrong. Max would prove that feeling wrong.

  When the blonde left, his gaze darted to me and he clenched his eyes closed as if the sight of me annoyed him. With a motion of his hand, he indicated for me to follow him into his office, not bothering to wait for me even though he saw me carrying a car seat. When I made it inside, I closed the door behind me and moved to his desk.

  “Don’t put that on my desk,” he’d ordered when he saw me lift the car seat to do just that.

  Something was lodged in my throat as I sat Pim on the floor. Then, I thought it was my heart. Now, I know it was my dignity. I was choking on it. I had convinced myself despite Matt and Alice telling me a million times to let Max go—that he didn’t want us—that if Max just saw her, he’d change his mind. How could he not fall in love with her once he saw our beautiful baby girl?

  “What are you doing here, Waverly?” he asked briskly, shuffling some papers around on his desk, barely acknowledging my presence.

  “She’s four days old today,” I answered, getting straight to the point. “She looks like me, I think,” I chuckled nervously as I looked down at a sleeping Pim, “but she has your nose for sure.”

  “Are you here for money?” he asked, leaning back in his chair with a look of disgust. “How much?”

  My entire body felt like lead; heavy with hurt and insult. This wasn’t the first time I’d attempted to plead with Max, beg him to reconsider. It was, however, the first time I had Pim to plead with. I was desperate. I’d loved this man, or so I thought. He’d swept me off my feet only to leave me like trash on the streets. My heart and mind were in different places. I knew he didn’t deserve Pim or me, but I couldn’t let him go for some reason.

  “I’m not here for money,” I managed. “I wanted you to see her, Max. Your daughter. This is your baby,” I emphasized.

  “Waverly,” he said my name sternly. Leaning forward, he rested his arms on the desk, fixing his blue eyes on me. “I didn’t want this baby or any baby for that matter. When you chose to have her, you chose to lose me.”