To Have It All Read online

  “That’s too much for a tip,” she stated, her tone holding a hint of skepticism.

  “This isn’t just a tip. This is for you.”

  “What?”

  I lowered my hand when she didn’t take the cash. “You’re a good person, Mary. I know, every week, you take a sandwich out to a homeless woman. I know you pay for that out of your own pocket. I want to give this to you to maybe help you out with whatever you may need it for.”

  Mary stared at the cash, a little longingly, but I could tell no matter how bad she needed it, she didn’t want to take it. “It’s nothing, really,” she insisted. “I wish I could do more. Especially when she started bringing the guy with her. I just can’t afford more.”

  “And that’s why you deserve every penny of this,” I stated, taking her hand and placing the money in it. “You gave even when you didn’t have much to give.”

  Mary’s eyes got teary. “I can’t take this.”

  “Yes, you can. Please take it. Please,” I begged.

  She stared at the money, before glancing around, probably checking to see if anyone else was watching like I had done a few minutes before, before she shoved the money in her apron pocket. “I’ll take it,” she finally acquiesced, “but I’ll use the money to feed them. I’ll tell them to come back a couple of times per week so they can have a few confirmed meals.”

  It took everything in me not to hug her. People like this were few and far between. “No. This is for you.” I pointed at her to emphasize my words. “This,” I added as reached into my back pocket and pulled out the envelope I’d prepared before we’d left the apartment. “This is for feeding Pearl. Maybe you can give her some of the cash so she can get a hotel room for a few nights.”

  “You know Pearl?” she questioned, her brow furrowing.

  “Not personally,” I blurted quickly. “I’ve just seen you feed her and that other guy.”

  “Liam,” she said simply, with a sad smile. My stomach knotted. She remembered my name. So many of those days I’d wondered if she even saw me. Taking the envelope, she didn’t even open it, just put it in her apron. “He hasn’t been around as long as Pearl, but he’s such a nice guy. I’ve wished I could afford to feed them each their own meal. You can tell he’s got a heart of gold, just a man that’s down on his luck is all.”

  I realized she must not know about the accident; that I wouldn’t be coming back for a while . . . or ever for that matter. “They’re both grateful for what you do, Mary,” I assured her. This woman would never know what that meal meant to us.

  “You know Liam, too?”

  “No. Just seen you feed them is all. I just wanted to give someone good something good. The money in the envelope is for them.”

  “How do you know I won’t just keep it all?”

  “The same way you said you could tell Liam is a good man. Sometimes, we just know. I know you will do what is good.”

  I wasn’t sure how this conversation would go, but when Mary threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly, I couldn’t stop myself from hugging her back. I hugged her tightly, the embrace meaning more to me than I knew she would understand. I was grateful to this woman in a way I couldn’t explain to her because she saw Max, not Liam. Whether I was in Max’s body or not, there were some things I couldn’t stop, and this was one of them. Physically, I was Max; healthy and well-off, but it was my soul that existed within him, and my soul remembered the days I lived on the dirtied sullen streets, hungry and hopeless. My soul remembered the kindness of a stranger; the kindness of Mary. I’d tortured myself with wondering if giving Max’s money away was right, but in the end, I decided I didn’t care. Max had plenty of it and had Mary not given Pearl and I a meal that day, I might not have been there, and Max’s body might have been the one to end up in a coma, not mine.

  When we pulled away from each other, Mary wiped at her eyes. “Thank you . . .” she paused, realizing she didn’t know my name.

  “I’m no one,” I told her. “And thank you. Can you do me a favor please?”

  “Sure,” she replied without hesitation.

  Taking the gift bag from where it sat in the booth, I handed it to her. “Will you give this to Pearl?”

  She looked at it in my hand, her gaze curious.

  “You can look,” I permitted.

  Taking the bag, she peeked inside and smiled. “A black cat stuffed animal,” she chuckled. “She’ll love this.”

  “His name is Murry,” I noted. “Thanks again, Mary.”

  Grabbing the dishes from our table, she gave me a curt nod. “I’ll make sure they get fed. I promise.”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her I, or rather Liam, wouldn’t be there anymore. Instead, I nodded back and waved. Then I left, meeting Helen and Pim just outside. Pimberly practically jumped out of Helen’s arms into mine. We laughed again just as a motorcycle whizzed by, stealing our attention. Pim’s face lit up with a bright smile, and she babbled, “Vroom-vroom,” as she pointed at the bike.

  “You’ve got good taste, sweetheart,” I told her. “That’s a Harley.”

  “Vroom-vroom,” she giggled.

  As I stared at Pim, my face hurt I was smiling so big.

  “You’re good with her, Liam,” Helen noted.

  “Li-ham,” Pim babbled. Helen immediately covered her mouth.

  “She’s like a parrot, this one,” I huffed.

  “I’m so sorry,” Helen gulped. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Li-ham,” Pim murmured again.

  Taking a deep breath, I decided not to worry about it. Maybe if we didn’t make a big deal out of it, Pim would stop.

  When I arrived back at Max’s apartment, I’d calmed down significantly and decided I’d be cordial. There was no need to get worked up or argue with him anymore. All I needed to do was get Pim and leave. I’d made a mistake bringing her here; leaving her with him and now it was time to fix it. I would not be bringing her back regardless if Max signed the papers or not. Maybe he would have rights to her, but I doubted he’d ever exercise those rights, so there was no point in pushing him.

  I rang the doorbell once and waited patiently until Max opened the door. When he did, the blood drained from my face.

  “Hi,” he rasped as if he’d been asleep. His hair was slightly tousled, and he was squinting his eyes. It wasn’t how he looked that panicked me; it was how Pim looked curled up in his arm, her head resting on his shoulder as she slumbered.

  “She fell asleep in my arms, and I was afraid if I set her down, she’d wake up,” he whispered. “Guess I kind of fell asleep, too.” With his free hand, he motioned for me to come in before he turned and headed back to the living room. Moving slowly so not to wake her, he sat on the couch. “How was your day?” he asked quietly.

  “Uh . . . It was fine,” I answered numbly. Was I in some kind of alternate reality? That’s all I could think as I stared down at him holding our daughter. This man was not the Max Porter I knew. It seemed as though someone had literally flipped a switch inside of him. The Max I remembered wouldn’t even look at his newborn baby daughter, let alone hold her for hours while she slept because he didn’t want to wake her.

  “She was really good today. We went out for breakfast—”

  “You took her out?” I interrupted him, my voice raising an octave.

  Raising his brows, seemingly surprised at my anger, he answered, “Yeah. We went to breakfast and the park.”

  Glaring at him I opened my mouth to yell, to rage at him for taking her out when he barely knew her, but I decided better of it. He would never see her again. There was no point. Snapping my mouth shut, I spun around and proceeded to pack up Pim’s belongings.

  “Are you angry?” he inquired with one brow raised in confusion.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I fumed as I chucked Pim’s diaper bag in the wagon. I hadn’t meant it to be loud, but the sound startled her and she jerked her head up, her eyes squinty as they adjusted to the light.

  �
�I’m sorry, baby girl,” I apologized as I approached her and rubbed her back. Looking up at me she blinked a few times before she nestled her head back on Max’s shoulder. Normally, she’d fly out of anyone’s arms to get to me, so when she chose to stay with Max over coming to me, my heart felt as though it hit the floor. It didn’t help that Max was grinning as he turned his head slightly and kissed the top of her head.

  “We need to get going,” I muttered as I rushed about the room, flinging everything in the wagon. I didn’t bother to bag the remaining possessions up neatly. All that mattered at that moment was getting out of there as fast as possible.

  “There’s no need to rush, Waverly,” Max said quietly. “She’s probably hungry.”

  Snapping my head in his direction, I barked, “Oh, two days with her and you think you know her? She’s my daughter Max. I’ll do what I want.”

  “What in the hell are you so angry about?” he whispered, angrily.

  “For starters, you took her out,” I snapped, widening my eyes with rage. So much for letting it go. “What if something had happened?”

  “Like what, Waverly?”

  “Like . . .” I struggled for words. “Like what if you were mugged?”

  His jaw went slack as he stared at me. “Oh, and you wouldn’t be just as likely to get mugged as I would?”

  “What if she was hurt?” I moved on, realizing my first what if was pretty bogus. “You wouldn’t have even known what to do or where to take her.”

  Throwing his free hand up, he laughed in disbelief. “You people are killing me!”

  “You people?” My head reared back. I wasn’t sure what he meant by it, but it felt offensive.

  “First, your brother comes by here with his girlfriend and gives me shit, and now you. Can I expect any other members of the Torres family today?”

  “Matt was here?” I asked, widening my eyes. Damn it, Matt. I should have known he’d do that just before leaving town. Now that he was gone, probably flying over some ocean, I couldn’t yell at him for it.

  “Sure was.”

  Shaking my head, unsure of what to say, I forged forward, driving my point home. “You shouldn’t have taken her out, Max.”

  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he quipped, his mouth quirking up on one side, “but I’m not a fucking moron.” Immediately, he sucked in air through his teeth, grimacing, before clenching his eyes closed. His tone had been harsh and his words crass. It was obvious he regretted them. “Sorry,” he mumbled. I wasn’t sure if the apology was meant for Pim or me, or both of us. “I didn’t mean to say that word in front of her.”

  “Father of the year, folks,” I snickered, my tone thick with sarcasm. My friend snarkiness had sidled up beside me and was ready to throw a few punches.

  His mouth flattened into a tight line before he stood and tugged his cell from his pocket. Within a few seconds, he had a video playing—another bike race. What was it with him and bike races? He’d never once mentioned motorcycles while we were together. Setting Pimberly on the floor, he handed her the phone, and she gazed at it sleepily.

  “Can we talk in the kitchen?”

  He didn’t give me a chance to answer before he stormed off. I followed him, stomping, angry he’d pulled the adult card and refused to argue in front of Pim. That’s what I should’ve done. How dare he.

  In the kitchen, we stood where we could still see Pim, but were far enough away that if we kept our voices down, she wouldn’t hear us argue. Max stood, his feet planted firmly as he crossed his arms. I couldn’t deny something about the stance was unlike anything I remembered about him. It was confident. Max had always been a confident man, but in a way that made it seem like he thought he was superior to everyone. This was different somehow. His expression was stoic, but combined with his posture, he had a look that said, I’m sick of this shit. It threw me off a bit, but didn’t intimidate me. I knew I was right; there was no way he’d convince me otherwise, no matter what crazy head games he tried to play with me.

  “Did you, or did you not, bring her here and leave her in my care for the past two days?” he began.

  “Yes.” The word was said matter-of-factly and without apology. I had in fact done that.

  “If you don’t think I’m capable of taking care of her, why in the hell did you bring her here?” he whispered angrily, the muscles in his jaw ticking.

  Clenching my fist at my side, hoping to level the loudness of my response I gritted out, “To get you to sign the papers.”

  Leaning toward me, his stare intense, he met my eyes. “I am not signing those papers right now, or anytime soon for that matter.”

  Letting out a frustrated growl, I thundered, “Why not?! You don’t want her.” Throwing out my arm, I pointed in Pim’s direction. “I begged you to be a part of her life, and you wouldn’t even look at her. You literally threw us out of your office, Max! Why?” My last word broke off on a sob, my emotions getting the best of me. “Just sign them. Please,” I begged.

  His features relaxed as the anger in his eyes ebbed away. Was that remorse I saw? His mouth flattened again, as he shook his head. Then he yanked a paper towel from the roll near him and handed it to me. My face was already a mess of tears, and I imagined my mascara was streaked down my cheeks. When he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms again, I had no idea what he was thinking, but I remained silent. I wanted him to be the next one to speak.

  “I’m . . .” he paused, his chin tilting up, as if searching for his next words. “I don’t know what to do,” he finally managed. “I swear this isn’t me trying to be a dick to you.” When his gaze met mine again, I could see it; he really was conflicted. About what? I wasn’t sure. “I just can’t sign those papers right now, Waverly.”

  My body shuddered as I held back the sobs I so desperately wanted to let out. I wanted to lash out, rage at him, but I knew it wouldn’t matter. My plan hadn’t worked, and now I was unraveling. I had to get out of there. Placing my hands on my hips, inhaling deeply, I informed him, “We’ll be leaving now. I will not be bringing her back.”

  Widening his eyes slightly, he almost looked disappointed. Then, running a hand through his hair, he exhaled with a groan. Kneeling in front of Pim, he picked her up and stood, his mouth quirking in humor when she babbled something incoherently.

  “It’s time to go home with Mommy, little sweetheart.” Taking the phone from her, he tossed it on the couch before giving her forehead a long kiss, as if silently, he was saying goodbye to her. “I’ve had a lot of fun.”

  Pim looked up at him and placed her hands on his cheeks. Max quickly jerked his head and pretended like he was going to eat them, making her bellow with laughter. They did it a few more times until I couldn’t take it anymore. Watching them play somehow angered me and broke my heart all at once.

  “Come to Mommy,” I sang as I held my hands out to her. Reluctantly, she came to me, and I popped her up on my hip before bending down and grabbing the handle of the wagon.

  “I’ll . . . uh . . . get the door for you,” Max stuttered before making his way to the exit. After I had navigated the wagon through the doorway, I didn’t turn back. I went straight to the elevator.

  As I hit the call button, Max said, “Waverly.”

  Spinning around, I met his stare from where he stood at his door. “For what it’s worth, you’ve done an amazing job with Pim. She’s a great kid.”

  “I know,” I replied just as the elevator doors slid open. Pulling the wagon inside, I hit the button for the lobby. As the doors slid closed again, Max held one hand up in goodbye.

  As the elevator moved down, Pim gurgled, “Li-ham.”

  “What was that, baby?” I asked, not sure what I’d heard her say.

  “Li-ham,” she said again.

  Was she saying Liam?

  The next morning, I was running late as hell. I had class in an hour and was already late, and we hadn’t even left the house yet. Normally Matt would save me, but he and Alice had l
eft the day before for their European excursion. He didn’t even say goodbye to me, but texted me a video of him telling Pim how much he loved her and would miss her. Pimberly had been cranky all evening, continuously babbling vroom vroom and Li-ham over and over as she cried. She barely ate her dinner and shunned my attempts to play with her.

  By the time I got her to bed, I still had to study. So on top of a craptastic evening, I barely got any sleep, and my alarm didn’t go off because I forgot to set it when I finally slumped into bed at 2 a.m.

  When I burst through the door at Ms. Patty’s like a bat out of hell, in my haste I didn’t see the kid’s blanket wadded up on the floor before I tripped over it. I stumbled as I tried to regain my balance, but it was no use—Pim and I crashed to the floor.

  “Shittttt,” I wailed as I felt my ankle twist, the pain splintering up my leg. Pimberly screamed, the fall scaring her more than hurting her. Even with the immense pain, I grabbed Pim and checked her over, making sure she was all in one piece.

  “Oh my Lord, are you two okay?” Ms. Patty fretted as she picked up Pim and checked her over as well. When I tried to stand, the pain ricocheted everywhere causing me to thump back to the floor.

  “My ankle,” I moaned through gritted teeth. “I think I broke it.”

  “Weeks?” I griped, my lip trembling, as I stared teary-eyed at the doctor.

  “Worst case. You’ve got a bad sprain. At the very least, you won’t be able to put any weight on it for a few days. You’ll need to keep any pressure off it for a while.”

  “A while?” I whined.

  The doctor gave a small shrug. “Like I said, it could be days or weeks.”

  “I . . . I have a little girl,” I stuttered. For as dramatic as I was being, the doctor must have thought I was crazy. I mean, at least I didn’t break it, but a sprain still limited me. “How am I supposed to care for her when I can’t even walk without crutches?”

  “Do you have family that can help you?” My heart sunk. I did have family that could help me, but they were an ocean away. I also wasn’t Matt’s favorite person at that moment, and even though I knew if I called them he’d come home to care for his niece, I wasn’t sure I could do it. My pride would choke me for it. Besides, I couldn’t ruin this trip for them. They needed it. I’d secretly prayed Matt would propose to Alice while they were there. Calling them would be an absolute last resort.